


limerence

by serendipitousserenity



Series: What The Word Means [1]
Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: M/M, unrequited feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 23:59:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12995370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serendipitousserenity/pseuds/serendipitousserenity
Summary: limerence(n) the state of being infatuated with a personaka where zayn is in love with liam, and liam has a girlfriend.





	limerence

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! 
> 
> I wanted to an advent calendar for 2017, except with fics. I’m actually not sure if I’ll be able to do one for every day until Christmas, but I will try. 
> 
> This is Part One of What the Word Means series. Basically, just really pretty and stunning words that we don’t use that much in our day to day lives, and I use them as the source of insipiration. 
> 
> I would actually like to completely apologize for this fic. I’m not really happy with it at all. But I wanted to get it up today. You’ll know what I mean when you read it.

— -

He is so in love.

Or at least, that’s what his mom tells him. She tells him he glows when he talks about Liam, that when they’re in the same room as each other there’s some sort of magnetic field in the room and Zayn and Liam react to each other without even realizing. The best of all? She tells him that he looks a lot like how his baba looks like when he looks at her, when he looks at Liam.

That’s more than enough to tell her that he is in love with Liam.

And he might be.

He’s not going to deny that.

Maybe he is in love with Liam.

Maybe he is in love with the soft eyes that are always shimmering with happiness. Or maybe the lines that become prominent on his face every time he laughs hard. Maybe he is in love with the way Liam smiles, all soft and hopeful, but larger than life. Maybe he’s in love with the way Liam sounds like when he wakes up in the morning. Maybe he’s in love with the way Liam always waits for Zayn to be free before he watches a new episode of Stranger Things. Maybe, just maybe, he’s in love with the way Liam always tries to make him some desi food, but always fucks up because he doesn’t have the grasp and understanding of the recipes. Maybe he’s in love with the way Liam always holds him close, when he’s tired and exhausted and he can’t figure out why he chose to study English Literature of all things.

Maybe he is in love with him.

But as he watches Liam in the kitchen with his girlfriend, he realizes he can’t be in love with Liam.

They’re just friends, he has to remind himself. They’re roommates, and best friends. And Zayn can’t be in love with Liam. That’s, no, he just can’t be in love with Liam.

He should quietly walk out of the kitchen, leave Liam and Sophia to their own devices but he’s hungry. And he has a paper to write tonight, and he can’t pull an all nighter without having some food and coffee in his stomach.

He should get out before Liam and Sophia spot him.

And then it’s too late, when Liam turns around and gives Zayn a smile so sunny that it brightens up the grey of his own thoughts.

“Hey, Zayn,” Liam grins, as he moves away from Sophia and turns to Zayn. “Long day?” He asks.

“Yeah, don’t even ask,” Zayn shrugs. He’d tell Liam about how Professor Bruce, real name: Professor Kingston, literally wore a Batman shirt today and he almost took out and his phone and sent a sneak shot to Liam because look the Professor who looks like Bruce Wayne is wearing a Batman shirt. He would tell him about how he actually passed one of the assignments he was a hundred and ten percent sure that he was going to fail. He would tell Liam every last bit of detail of his day. But he can’t. Not when Sophia is there, smiling at him too as she putters around the kitchen fixing dinner for Liam and her.

“That sucks, mate,” Liam gives him a small, comforting smile, “do you want some dinner? Soph’s cooked her chicken lasagne.”

He does want dinner, but “nah, I think I’m going to get some water and sleep.”

“You sure? You can’t sleep well on an empty stomach.”

“Yeah yeah, don’t worry too much about it,” Zayn shrugs as he walks over to the fridge and takes out a bottle of water.

“Zayn?” he hears Sophia’s voice so he turns to her, “if you want I can keep some lasagne heated for you. In case you feel hungry at night.”

“No, no, Sophia. Thank you, but it’s honestly okay. I ate out with Danny and Griff after class,” Zayn says, instead. That’s the reason why he doesn’t really like to hang around Liam and Sophia. Sophia is sweet girl, she makes Liam happy and she’s always nice to Zayn - even going out of her way to make sure that Zayn isn’t uncomfortable. Hell, if it wasn’t Liam, aka the man he’s in love with, Zayn would be very much okay with Sophia dating his best friend.

But tough luck for her, she’s dating Liam, and Zayn feels like that warrants him disliking her as much as he wants.

He’s jealous. It’s not a crime. He’s allowed to be.

“Zayn,” Liam starts but then looks at Zayn from where he’s standing against the wall near the door. “Alright, sleep tight,” he says as he shakes whatever thought was in his mind.

“Thanks, mate.”

Zayn gives Liam a small smile as he shuffles out of the kitchen and towards his room. He closes the door behind him, and strips down to his boxers. His clothes lay in a puddle on the floor as he falls on his bed.

He feels so annoyed at himself.

The one person he was ready to let in to his life after the heartbreak of his previous relationship just had to be his best friend, didn’t it? His very straight, in a relationship, best friend whom he has no chance with at all.

Zayn Malik, he thinks to himself, brace yourself. Your heart is about to shatter in to smaller pieces.

He doesn’t know when he fell in love with Liam, but he knows when he realized. It had been after a tough day at work, and uni, and he had just come back home and wanted to just go to sleep and not do anything. At least that’s what he had in mind, but when he got home he saw Liam all dressed up and waiting for him. They had a dinner with Liam’s parents, since they were in town and just really wanted to meet Liam and Zayn. But Liam had seen one look at Zayn and told him to go take a hot shower. When Zayn had gotten out of the shower there was a note on the table: Z, I heated the macaroni I made earlier. It’s in the microwave. I have that stupid Conspiracy show you love so much on and ready to be played. Eat and relax. And go to sleep. You better not be up when I come back. Sorry couldn’t stay around to make sure you actually eat, Mom called me like 500 times. I’ll take care of you tomorrow. Until then you sleep. -L x

Seems so trivial now, doesn’t it? But that was Liam for you. Always taking care of Zayn, giving Zayn things he didn’t even know he needed, and just making sure that Zayn was okay.

It meant a lot to Zayn.

And that night, Zayn had realized that he could see Liam and Zayn like this for the rest of their lives: taking care of each other, cooking, being all domesticated, fighting over who’s turn it was for laundry and dishes. He could see them kissing, laughing, cuddling.

He could see a whole future with Liam and that scared him then and it terrifies him tonight.

He doesn’t sleep; sleep doesn’t really come easy to him at nights where his brain wouldn’t shut up and give him a moment’s of peace. And it’s because he isn’t sleeping that he hears the soft knock on the door a couple of hours later, and he knows it’s Liam. He also knows that Liam knows that he’s awake. Otherwise Liam would have never knocked.

“Come in,” Zayn calls out.

The door pushes open and the yellow light of their hallway peaks in to the darkness of his bedroom. And he sees Liam standing in the doorway, a soft gold outline around him, and Zayn smiles to himself.

“I thought you were going to sleep,” Liam says as he comes in, and sits on the edge of Zayn’s bed.

“I was, but I guess it’s not my night to sleep,” Zayn shrugs as he gets on his elbows and pushes up against the mattress so he could rest his back against the headboard.

“Can we, like, I want to talk to you,” Liam says, and Zayn notices the way Liam’s tone is a little serious, and his heart speeds up.

“Yeah, of course. Li, we can always talk,” Zayn replies. Do you want to go and sit outside?”

“No,” Liam shakes his head, “here’s okay.”

“Go on, Li. What is it?”

“I met Danny and Griff today, after class,” Liam starts, and Zayn closes his eyes tight. Fuck. He’s fucking fucked. “You weren’t with them.”

“Li-“

“I know we don’t have to tell each other everything, but we’ve never lied to each other, Zayn,” Liam says, and Zayn notices how sad he sounds. “Why did you lie?”

“I, Liam, I just didn’t want to have dinner. And I knew you wouldn’t let me go, if you knew that I didn’t eat.” That’s a plausible lie, isn’t it?

“Louis thinks I should talk to you. Do you know why he thinks I need to talk to you?”

Zayn will kill Louis fucking Tomlinson, and then he’ll cut Louis fucking   
Tomlinson in little pieces and he’ll feed it to the dogs. He hates Louis. He hates him because he knows exactly why Louis told Liam to talk to Zayn, and this feels more of an attack.

“Are you not telling me something important?”

“Liam.”

“Z, please. Because if its what I think it is, I need to know.” Liam looks at Zayn with such wide and honest eyes, Zayn has no choice but to sigh.

“Can you hand me the shirt on the floor next to you? I don’t feel like having this conversation with you when I’m half naked,” if this goes downhill in any way possible, he will kill Louis Tomlinson. And that’s not an exaggeration.

Liam bends down and picks up the red Henley (Liam’s) from the floor and hands it to Zayn. With a deep breath Zayn pulls that shirt over him, and he feels a little protected.

“Okay, so I need you to know that this wasn’t planned okay. I wasn’t trying to do anything to make you uncomfortable or whatever. It just happened,” Zayn says, all in one breath.

“Okay,” Liam nods as he pulls his legs up on the bed.

“You know, ugh,” Zayn stumbles over his thoughts in his mind, and his words trap his tongue. “I realized a few months ago,” he looks down as he plays with his fingers.

“Realized what?” Liam says and Zayn looks up to see Liam looking at him with eyes that are glistening with hope?

“I’m sorry, Liam.”

“Why?!” Liam exclaims, “what do you have to be sorry for?”

“Iminlovewithyou,” Zayn states, hurried and fast. He can’t make sense of what he said, he’s a hundred percent sure Liam couldn’t either.

“What?”

“In,” Zayn pauses, “I’m in love with you, Liam.”

What happens next is something Zayn wasn’t expecting. Liam leans forward, and presses a chaste kiss to Zayn’s lips.

And Zayn?

He’s too shell shocked to realize what’s happening, until Liam pulls away and licks his lips. He gives Zayn a soft grin, and it’s only then everything comes back to Zayn.

“What just happened,” Zayn states.

“I’m in love with you, too,” Liam smiles, as he leans forward to kiss Zayn again. Only this time Zayn is a little more aware so he puts his hands on Liam’s chest to stop him from coming any closer.

“Sophia?” Zayn whispers. Liam is so close to him right now, Zayn is scared speaking in anything louder than a soft whisper.

“Just a friend,” Liam replies.

“No, you’re dating her, you’re in a relationship with her,” Zayn says as he pushes Liam. The push ends up being a little heavier than intended and Liam falls on his back on the bed.

“Pretty sure I’m not. I’ve been in love with you for years, Zayn,” he says as he lifts himself up on his palms. “Soph’s just a distraction. She helps me keep my mind off of you. She was there to stop me from doing something like kissing you,” Liam explains. His eyes are closed and Zayn wants to reach forward and press a kiss to his eyelids.

“You were dating Gigi,” that means almost two years ago, “and I was just so broken over that. You were so happy and all I wanted was for you to be in love with me and be happy with me. I wanted us to be in a relationship and I just kind of - ” and Zayn knows what he’s talking about: the drinking, the late night clubbing, the random girls coming out of his bedroom every night.

“Self destructive path, Soph calls it. So she took me under her wing. Her aim was to stop me from pining way too much over you, I think she said.”   
“Did it help?” Zayn asks.

“Nah, I think I was too adamant about us being together,” Liam chuckles. “You’re a tough man to get over.”

 

—

It takes a while for them to talk about everything. Their feelings. Their emotions. Their hopes.

It’s almost sunrise by the time they’re done talking.

And Zayn smiles to himself, as Liam just wraps his arms around Zayn’s waist. He presses a kiss to Zayn’s shoulder, before mumbling a goodnight.

It’s then when Zayn realizes that this is exactly what he wants.

Liam, cuddles, and kisses.

He presses a kiss to Liam’s cheek before falling asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again,
> 
> So I hope you liked it. 
> 
> It’s not that long or great or cute but hopefully the following parts will be. 
> 
> Let me know if you have any criticisms or critiques. I’m always, always open to the above. 
> 
> If you’d like to talk to me on tumblr I’m @zouiames though I don’t post that often. 
> 
> Hope to see you tomorrow with Part Two.


End file.
